How to watch the Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies

Readers, I’ve recently gone out to watch the last Middle Earth film ever made – thought I feel like future generations might have the gall to remake them – by Peter Jackson.
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I felt wholly unprepared for the wide range of emotions I would feel in this movie, and in order to prevent you from going in excited and coming out in tears, I’ve prepared a guideline, just in case:

1. BE STRONG
BOFTA is mainly about emotional turmoil. So stay strong. Don’t think about the fact that it is the last ever Middle Earth movie you will probably see, don’t think about the people in it and what happens in them. Just don’t think. Not even once.
2.BE PREPARED
This film is half an hour shorter than we are used to, so in order to prevent you from feeling like you have missed a great chunk of the movie, have a Hobbit marathon beforehand. This way, everything feels like one blurry mess.
3. Try not to flail too hard when, uhm, familiar characters make a sudden surprise visit and create what easily could be the best scene in the movie. Someone needs to bless Hugo Weaving.
4. PRACTISE saying “Thorin no” and “Thorin pls” and “Thorin why” so that you get you can fight the urge to cut a bitch every time he comes on the screen.
5. Protect Martin Freeman at all costs By watching BOFTA, you pledge you life to making sure Martin Freeman has a wonderful and illustrious life before him. Its not optional.

This has been your PSA.

Okay but I also need to talk about Marvel’s Agent Carter so there will be a blog post about that pretty soon.

I hope everyone has a wonderful new year 😀

Until next time,

Rivanna

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